Sunday, February 23, 2020

On the FaceBook page, we're discussing the "Teams" that help our friends with Cancer. 

We conducting a poll about Team C:  Community.  We're interested to see in what role you have most recently helped a friend with cancer.  

Take Poll: How have you helped?

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Recliner Woman’s Helpful Links for Friends with Cancer

If you or a friend are going through cancer, here are some helpful websites.

1.    Blog a cancer journey @ 
I blogged my cancer at CaringBridge (  My friend encouraged me that phone calls and e-mails would be too hard to maintain.  A blog allowed me to update when I could, and my friends to catch up when they could.  The site is free. 

2.    Coordinate volunteers @
            Coordinate meals @
These two sites help with coordinating volunteers. LotsAHelpingHands provides sites for schools and community groups as well as individuals in need of help.  My church uses to coordinate meals for new moms and surgery patients, which helps us space out the Chicken and Rice.  Both sites are free. 
3.    Get free housecleaning for women with cancer @
Submit your friend’s name, address and a doctor’s note to this site, and they’ll identify a housecleaner in her neighborhood to provide once a month cleaning for four months – for free.  Lying around looking at all the housework I couldn’t do was not fun.  Lying in my recliner smelling a freshly cleaned house was oh, so much better!

4.    Check out alternative cancer treatments @
Suggestions from friends for alternative treatments can be overwhelming.  I found the American Cancer Society had helpful information on almost every one.  When I found things that felt right for me, I would print out the American Cancer Society information on that product and bring it with me to the oncologist for her review. 

My Websites:
1.    This blog: explains how to help your loved one who is going through cancer. 
Check out the post entitled “Radiation Gravy”  with the recipe my radiation oncologist recommended that helped keep my skin hydrated during radiation. 
2.    Send an encouraging and/or funny cancer card @
3.    Joy in Cancer @ describes how God taught me to “do” cancer without grumbling and complaining:  honestly, but with praise, gratitude and laughter.
4.    My first book, Praise PhD, is available on Amazon.
      $5.99 in print or $2.99 on Kindle.  Makes a great gift for newly diagnosed friends with cancer.  


Sunday, October 30, 2011

The Magic of Meals: Offering Help with Specifics

Last post I talked about requesting help with selection.  Another reason bringing meals works so well is that it uses the principle of offering help with specifics:  just meals, for a set number of days.  These are not hard limits.  How many meals for new moms arrive with a little extra gift for the baby? 
People want to say, “If I can do ANYTHING, just let me know.”  Let me show you how that feels.  Listen to these two statements:
#1        Let’s get together for lunch sometime.
#2        Let’s get together for lunch sometime next month.
The second is more real, because of the time limit.  When you offer help to your friend with cancer, I recommend you offer a few ways you could help.  Here are three examples.
Example 1:  Could I bring by a pizza, Chinese food or burgers? 
            Implied Offer:  I’m buying, not cooking.
Example 2:  Would you like chicken and rice, spaghetti and meatballs, or do you have any dietary limitations? 
            Implied Offer:  I’ll cook to order. 
Example 3:  I’m flexible on Thursdays and Fridays.  I could carve out a day and come by and do cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work, you name it. 
            Implied Offer:  I’m offering time, not money.
Some of us have less time than money, and others of us have less money than time.  We all have real limits in our lives, so there will be some kinds of help that will be easier for us.  Ephesians 2:10 says that God has created us in Christ Jesus for good works, which He has prepared in advance that we should walk in them.  If God doesn’t “set us up” to help, we couldn’t help at all.  We need to relax in the knowledge that each of us doesn’t have to do everything.  If we do what we can, together, we can get the job done. 
Next post, we'll talk about words that help.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Magic of Meals: Requesting Help with Selection

Before we start on “what” to do for your friend with cancer, let’s talk about how.  Have you ever participated in bringing a new mom or surgery patient meals for a week or two?  It works great because of two principles that make the process easier for everyone:  the meals are 1) offered with specifics, and 2) requested with selection. 
Let’s talk about requesting help with selection first.  You might want to share this principle with your friend with cancer.  When you want to bring meals for someone, you don’t find someone to cover Monday, and then start over to find someone to cover Tuesday.  Instead, you let each person know the range of meals to be provided, to give them the most possible chances of saying yes.  I call this “taking care of your volunteers” because, between you and me, no one likes to say no to a friend with cancer.  If your friend needs a ride to chemo this Thursday at 2PM, the chances are far too high you’ll have a conflict on that day at that time.  If your friend lets you know about a couple needs, you’ll do the biggest thing you can, and you’ll both be more comfortable.  It’s hard to get a no and then go on to the next person to ask again.  We want her to get a yes on her way to getting help with the “first big thing” she needs.  She won’t have to ask everyone for everything, just keep asking until that urgent need is met.  If your friend asks for one thing, and you can’t do it, I recommend you say “I’m sorry I can’t do that, but I’m sure there are other ways I could help.”  Then go on to offer help with selection, which I’ll talk about in our next post. 
By the way, if you help coordinate meals, check out  Our church has started using this great new website, and we love it! 

Friday, October 14, 2011

Welcome to Friends with Cancer

Job complained that his comforters did a lousy job, he could have done much better. That's not where I'm coming from. During my valley of cancer, I was surrounded with amazing friends who blessed my socks off! Maybe I should say they blessed my socks on, because warm fuzzy socks was an amazing gift. They not only kept my feet warm, they felt like a hug from my friend every time I wore them. In this blog, I want to brag on my friends and the wonderful ways they helped me -- as well as inspire you to reach out to your friend with cancer and help them during their valley.

Your friend with cancer needs LOTS of help. If you don't know where to start, read on. We're going to talk about big ways and little ways, things you can do if you live near by, and what you can do from far away. Don't hold back -- your friend needs you! Thanks for caring enough to read this blog.

Next time we'll start with the Magic of Meals.